Sex Tapes

Even Pornhub Wants Nothing To Do With Justin Bieber

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As far as celebrity sex tapes go, streaming porn sites generally set a pretty low bar when it comes to whose they share on their sites, or else I wouldn’t have spent much longer than I care to admit watching Screech fuck someone that wasn’t Lisa Turtle. But Pornhub, free porn behemoth/my third most visited site while in browser incognito mode (first: Bank of America, second: the LinkedIn page of the guy who refuses to date me), has taken a hard line against the rumored Justin Bieber-Selena Gomez sex tape.

PornHub’s vice president of adult entertainment, Corey Price, released the following statement as speculation continues to grow that the tape exists and is close to leaking:

If and when a Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez sex tape is leaked, Pornhub will not buy or license the video. It’s nothing against Selena Gomez, we just don’t approve of all of Bieber’s gross behavior – spitting on fans, driving dangerously and endangering people, and just being a real jerk. If you’re into celebrity sex tapes, you can check out Kim Kardashian’s, Pamela Anderson’s and Paris Hilton’s all on Pornhub, but you won’t find a Bieber’s.

To be clear, this is a site that lets you watch all 62 minutes and 44 seconds of Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon going to the bone zone. You can see the exact moment in which Pamela Anderson contracted hepatitis C from Tommy Lee (just kidding, she got it from a “tattoo needle“), as well as Kim Kardashian spending 11 minutes on mascara application and zero minutes on bra removal, but Justin Bieber – a teenager who drives too fast, throws water balloons, and is kind of a little shit, as most teenage boys are wont to be – that’s where you draw the line?

Thank god, I totally agree.