Have you ever wanted to relive your parents’ bitter divorce weekly in the comfort of your own home? Then look no further than True Tori, the show where former child-star Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott cry and scream at each other to “do what your heart says” as their relationship and family crumbles down around them in the wake of his cheating scandal. In the recent finale, Dean revealed his new tattoo, Tori’s wedding vows to him, as a sign of his dedication to her. (Although if the tattoo of her face on his arm and having “Tori’s” written above his penis didn’t stop him before, not sure that this is going to do it.) The vows read:
I will forever bring you solace when you are downhearted.
I will wipe away your tears with my tiny hands.
I will comfort you with my body and embrace you with my wings.
I love you my beautiful boy for all of eternity.
There are so many things to say about this: the tiny hands, the wings. But honestly, I just feel bad for them. This show about their marriage (aka the clusterfuck of epic proportions that they have chosen to broadcast on national television) is basically unwatchable. Fake or not. The pair have four kids together and this is a mess judging by this feel-good clip from a recent episode:
[h/t Perez Hilton]