Let’s Help Martha Stewart Find that “More Regular Male Companion” of Her Dreams

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Martha Stewart

Martha Stewart’s still on the look out for her special someone or as she likes to call it “a more regular male companion.” Sigh. Such romantical notions. But since she joined last year, dear Martha seems to still be on the hunt for someone to whip the buttercream while she mixes the batter, if you know what I mean. (Baking, if you need clarification. I mean baking, because that seems like the type of sensible date Martha Stewart would want.)

Of course, if that wasn’t enough to show that the lifestyle queen does have a heart, she told Haute Living New York, “Love will have something to do with it, I’m sure,” which is sort of sweet in a scary-Martha-Stewart-robot-way.

But I think I can help her find love. She’s not demanding in her list of ideals, which she listed out for the magazine. She just wants someone . . .

“Who’s intelligent, established, and curious”

And she can’t get more intelligent, established, and curious than Patrick Stewart.

“Who relishes adventure and new experiences.”

Or more adventurous than Ian McKellen.

“A love of animals, grandchildren, and the outdoors.”

Or find someone who is good with animals and children (and puppet hybrids of the like) than both of them really.

“Young at heart.”

Actually, they’re both young at heart and check off basically everything off her list. That was easier than I thought. There you go, Martha. Your ultimate match is bosom buddy team Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart. I hope the three of you will be happy making floral arrangements and playing skeeball.