Kim Kardashian finally made an honest man out of Kanye West, and they wore custom Givenchy numbers in their ceremony in — yeah, no one cares. What we’re all wondering about is that foxy guy at the altar, because in the same way that Pippa Middleton’s ass stole the show on Will and Kate’s big day, Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr. was all I could focus on for Kimye’s.
I mean, did anyone else notice that man’s handsome scruff? Or his well-coiffed hair? Or how he was working that black tie? More importantly is it wrong to think of a pastor this way? I’m just appreciating all of God’s gifts after all.
Here are a few need-to-knows I assume are true about Kimye’s sexy pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr.
1. He Married Kim and Kanye West
Kim and Kanye got married this past weekend. They needed a pastor to officiate. Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr. was at the wedding. He can preside weddings. Ipso facto he married them.
2. He’s a Pastor for certain
After all of Kimye’s legal troubles to get married, it should be safe to assume that their lawyers made sure that they had a real officiant presiding, unless they too were distracted by Pastor Rich’s classic good looks and couldn’t deny him anything.
3. He’s from Miami
Kim and Kanye found this hunk-a-burning of God’s love during a visit to Florida in 2012. He’s an associate pastor of the non-denominational Trinity Church in Miami in case you need some eye candy during service, Floridians.
4. He Looks Like Leonardo DiCaprio
It’s so mesmerizingly uncanny.
5. He Knows He Looks Like Leonardo DiCaprio
It would explain his Instagram profile pic. Sure this is a clever parody for Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby blockbuster to market Rich’s pastor-ing and pontificating, but Rich and I both know that this poster works because it saved Photoshopping his face in for Leo’s.
Wait. That’s Rich’s face, isn’t it? Leo should worry then.
6. He is clearly Leonardo DiCaprio’s long lost, hotter, younger brother
Except his head isn’t as roly-poly round, so he’s way better. He also married Kim and Kanye without cracking any Unbound jokes, so he deserves an Oscar. Leo should probably look out.
7. He is the love child of Chris Hemsworth and Leonardo DiCaprio
On second thought, through extensive scientific research — by which I mean staring at the twinkling abyss of Rich’s eyes for hours on end — I concluded that he is clearly the lovechild of Thor and The King of the World. It’s the only logical explanation of this excellent gene pool.
8. He Has Extreme Patience
How else would you explain his two-year friendship with Kim and Kanye West?
9. He’s Probably Seen Kim’s Crying Face Up close
And I bet you that he’s sensitive enough to not laugh at it. I, however, am not.
10. He Is Not Secretly Leonardo DiCaprio
No, Leonardo DiCaprio did not accept the role of Kimye’s officiant. I know this because this man is married and married two people who wanted to marry. I’m not sure Leo even knows what being married entails.
In case you missed it, Pastor Rich is married. Through my journalistic research, I decided to read the caption on the Instagram photo of him at Kimye’s nuptials. It said, “So happy for these two. Grateful for their friendship. The best is yet to come #marriedlifeisthebestlife.” Clearly, his bombastic hashtag implies that he knows that married life is the best life, and we can’t blame him. Have you seen his face? Of course, this man isn’t single. But that’s okay. I forgive him, because have you seen this man’s face?