Kimye

Please Don’t Crash My Wedding, Even if You Are Famous

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Tennis player Serena Williams gate crashed a normal schmo’s beach wedding in Malibu this weekend, and to show that she cared (sort of) she posted a pic of her and the seemingly surprised bride and groom on her Instagram. Serena remarked on the occasion with “Wedding Crasher!! Congrats!” under the photo, meaning she knew she did something wrong and that she’s congratulating herself for doing it. Well, okay, she’s really congratulating the couple, but wearing pants or maybe not crashing their big day would’ve been better. Preferred even.

Why do famous people think this is okay to do? Fine, I admit that it was pretty neat when Bill Murray showed up at a bachelor party or when Taylor Swift crashed that bridal shower, and apparently it was just so darn gracious of the Ghostbusters actor to make a funny speech and for the pop star to bring the bride a KitchenAid Mixer. But you know what? Those aren’t gifts. They don’t make up for the attention you took away from me. That’s underhanded thievery and good PR at my expense. You, Celebrities, are stealing my thunder for personal viral marketing. You don’t get to enjoy your own secret wedding and use mine for publicity. You can’t have my wedding cake and your wedding cake and eat it too.

Because you see, Celebrities, in the same way that you don’t want to be bothered by fans while you do normal things like eat dinner, I don’t want to be bothered by your limelight when I’m enjoying my big day — whatever big day that is (ie: wedding, first day at a new job, getting tile 2048 after endless hours of playing 2048). It’s my time to shine. I get one day to feel special and beautiful and famous. You get the rest of them. That’s how the world works. You can’t take mine too, even if you are pretty.

Because you guys are pretty, Celebrities. You live in a world where each follicle of hair is in place on your well shaped head. You are entitled to skip lines at the club and you get first dibs on that life boat seat because your name has trended on Twitter and you’ve been on the cover of magazines before. Beautiful people like you do fun things like go to award shows, and people hound you for photographs. Naturally, a perk of being so well-known should be an all-access pass to a normal, non-famous person’s wedding (via gate crashing), but it’s just not cool, Celebrities. As a normal, I implore you to think twice before you do it.

You’re entitled to many things, but you’re not entitled to my wedding or shower or party. I liked you better in that thing. You know, when you starred in that thing with the scenes and the lines and the acting. Or that time you played that sport or walked a red carpet for a movie premiere. That’s where you belong.

You know what I didn’t enjoy you in? That time when you rudely interrupted my wedding wearing a bathing suit, making a spectacle and stealing my moment. That’s a role both of us could’ve done without.