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Adam Levine Is a Douchebag, an Investigative Report by Adam Levine

He asks hard-hitting questions like, “Douchebag. What is a douchebag?”

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Rick Fox and Eliza Dushku Break Up, Proving the Lakers-Celtics Rivalry is Very Much Alive

As a reminder, the Celtics are the worst.

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Aaliyah Biopic Will Include Illegal Marriage to R. Kelly

Her family would rather we forgot about it, but that’s not fair to her legacy.

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The Royals

Queen Mum Gives Prince William a Crappy Birthday Gift

But he still gets to go to bed every night with Kate Middleton, so.

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Four Horsemen Nearing, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag to Procreate

Oh hello, apocalypse.

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Kourtney Kardashian’s Prison Wife is Flaca from ‘OITNB’

Kardashian is the new black.

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Let’s Help Martha Stewart Find that “More Regular Male Companion” of Her Dreams

She just wants somebody to love.

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justin kate

Dating Kate Upton is Really Bad for Detroit Tigers Pitcher Justin Verlander

His right arm is getting the wrong workout.

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Ashton Kutcher

Mila Kunis Shows Off Her Growing Baby Bump on the Red Carpet

Gorgeous and glowing.

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Chrissy Teigen

This French Bulldog Just Hit the Jackpot on Life and Gets to Sit on Chrissy Teigen’s Lap Forever

and lick John Legend, lucky bitch.

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Casper Smart Denies Hook-Up Claims by Second Transgender Model

Not so smart, Casper.

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Channing Tatum Is Very Good at Changing Diapers, Brags Channing Tatum

One more reason to love him, one more reason to hire him as your babysitter.

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Joni Mitchell And Taylor Swift Are Essentially The Same Person

Confessional lyrics and high-profile romances? Sounds familiar.

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Dean McDermott Gets His Third Tori Spelling Tattoo, and She Still Won’t Forgive Him

This is the Chernobyl of modern television.

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‘Power Couple’ Is a Stupid Phrase So Let’s Stop Using It

How did we get to the point where every paired up D-lister in Hollywood is half of a Power Couple?

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No One Will Ever Love You As Much As Zach Braff and Donald Faison Love Each Other

But you already knew that, didn’t you?

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50 Cent’s Bonkers Mets Pitch was the Result of a Sports Injury (That Sport Being Jerking Off)

The more you know.

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Keira Knightley Has a Point that Teens Need Privacy and Should Stay Away from Fame

Mainly because teens are obnoxious and mean.

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What We Can Learn from Soulmates Kelly Rowland and Beyoncé

The love of your life might just be your best friend and singing group.

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Please Don’t Crash My Wedding, Even if You Are Famous

This one day is my day. Every day is your day.

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